It was the littlest things
Stuttering, dropping things, slipping because I’ve lost my balance. Yes, it was those small things that made the diagnosis so clear. The tiredness I thought was because of studying, the inability to sleep at night well, the sleep paralysis, the “cramps” that they said were growth spurts but weren’t. None of it even matched what many elders said despite them often preaching that wisdom comes with age. It was something more.
What I wish I knew
I often blamed myself for not paying attention. Every small thing that happened, I ignored. That’s how bad I was. There was this fear inside my head that it was because I was being weak-minded, something people often tell me. That I am weak, sensitive and too much of an attention seeker. It turns out that, all along, the smallest things I’ve ignored were the signs my body gave. To make my disease known one last time
What I am now with MS
I am a Dreamer with MS, in a way that my disease is a big part of what I am today. There’s no cure, only treatment. Why should I even hide it? I can’t brush it off, I have to live with it. Like Tyrion Lannister, I made it associated with me. It’s evident with the way I walk and talk that I am ill. There’s no going back with MS. Being a Dreamer helps me to cope and live life the way I see fit even when I suffer from a disease only a few people relate with. Other than that, I’m finding the balance in life that I believe is necessary for me to reach my full potential. Hard but worth it, and not giving up my identity nor hiding the truth can change it.